


Midnight is When I'm Most Honest

by musical_stan_first_human_later



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Allusions to Sexual Abuse, Insomnia, Negative Thoughts, sad cathy parr hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musical_stan_first_human_later/pseuds/musical_stan_first_human_later
Summary: Cathy Parr was an insomniac, simple as that.
Relationships: Katherine Howard & Catherine Parr
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	Midnight is When I'm Most Honest

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: Allusions to sexual abuse, insomnia, negative thoughts

Cathy Parr was an insomniac, simple as that. She didn’t know if it was her own fault she could never sleep, or if her body had some deficiency, but rarely did she find herself comfortably asleep. So she figured she’d make use of her time. If she couldn’t sleep, why not work and be productive. She swapped her pillow for a cup of coffee, her pajamas for a computer screen, and settled in for the night.

Sure, she’d find herself feeling and acting like a zombie the next day, but what was the point of attempting to sleep and still getting the same result? To be honest, sometimes Cathy didn’t even know what she was doing on her computer screen. More often than not she’d find herself searching for information on her Mary, praying that someone, one person, would have any idea what happened to her. Instead, she only dug up more on Thomas, the man she thought she loved.

Of course she knew Thomas wasn’t perfect, but his flaws were what made him so attractive to Cathy. She loved him for not giving up on her, for supporting all her beliefs. He wasn’t perfect, but it took time for Cathy to realize that he was much farther from perfect than she ever imagined. The things he did to Elizabeth, the things she let him get away with. If she had been a little stronger, she would’ve been able to protect Liz and her own daughter but… she hadn’t been. Instead, she had left them alone with that horrible, horrible man, and - well history told the rest of the story pretty well.

It made Cathy feel absolutely terrible, singing about Thomas every night. The queens had all agreed to write the show from their perspectives before researching what history said about them, and Cathy couldn’t help but regret that decision. Everyday she told the world how much she loved Thomas, how good he was for her. She was painting a devil as a saint and never even realized it.

The worst part was that some of her still denied it. She couldn’t associate the modern version of Thomas with the man she knew. Cathy believed all the articles she read, she believed that Thomas did what they said he did but… part of her ached to forgive him. She still loved him, and that was what hurt the most.

Cathy wondered if this was what Jane felt everyday.

As proud as she was of their show, as much as she cared for the queens and the ladies in waiting, Cathy longed to be back in 16th century England. At least then, she would be ignorant. At least then she would have her daughter. At least then she wouldn’t regret loving anyone.

A knock came from her door causing Cathy’s neck to dart quickly to the side. She slowly got up and approached the door, waiting to see if there would be another knock. Indeed, a second knock against the door, followed by anxious shuffling noises on the other side. Opening the door, Cathy was greeted with Kitty on the other side, wrapped in a pink blanket, swaying side to side nervously. Her head was pointed at the floor as she refused to make eye contact with Cathy as she spoke. “I just - uh - everyone else was asleep. I didn’t want to bother anyone but - but your light was on so - so I just thought. I can go if you’d like,” as she rambled, Kitty started to back up and move away from Cathy’s door.

“Hey, Kitty, you can come in if you’d like,” Cathy offered. With all her internal turmoil, the writer could use the company of someone else. Looking hopeful, Kit waddled her way into the room with her blanket still wrapped tightly around her body. She plopped herself on Cathy’s bed, the aforementioned woman returning to her desk.

The two sat silently, the only sound being the click of Cathy’s keyboard as she typed in a new query into google. Kitty watched the older queen, not saying anything at first. Eventually, she broached the silence with, “What are you looking for?”

Pausing her search, Cathy turned around so she and Kit could talk face to face. When they made eye contact, the younger queen’s eyes dropped to her lap as she fiddled with her hands. Cathy was used to Kit’s nervous behaviors, especially at night when they came from nightmares. Usually it was one of the other queen’s who helped the teenager out, but Cathy didn’t really have that option. “Just doing some research, nothing much,” Cathy responded lightly, hoping to coax Kitty into soft conversation. “Why are you up so late?”

Kitty ignored the question and asked, “What were you researching? You’re very focused. Is that why you’re still awake?”

Cathy sighed. She didn’t want to explain to Kit that it was her insomnia keeping her up, so she tried to go for a more simple approach. “I’m not tired, and I have a lot of work to do, so I decided to stay up late. Just for tonight.”

“But it’s not just tonight,” Kitty frowned. “Whenever I have a nightmare, I always see your light on. And you always look so tired. Cathy, when _do_ you sleep?”

There was a moment of silence as the two queens looked at each other. Cathy was taken aback by Kit calling her out, and Kit just seemed genuinely concerned. “I sleep plenty, don’t worry about that.”

“But I do worry,” Kitty said. “I know I’m not like Aragon who always checks up on you, or Annie who always has your back but… I care too.” There were tears in the corners of Kitty’s eyes, and Cathy wasn’t quite sure if they had been there from the moment she walked in the door.

Softening her gaze, Cathy moved away from her laptop to sit next to Kit on her bed. She opened her arms and let the younger queen rest against her chest. “And I care about you too, Kitty. You can always come to me if you need someone. My door is always open.”

Sniffling, Kit replied, “Thanks Cathy.” The two sat together on the bed for a little while, enjoying the silence of the night. “But…” Kit said once again, “What were you researching?”

Cathy froze up, but then relaxed. “Nothing important really, don’t worry about it, Kitty.”

“If it’s not important, why can’t you tell me?” Kitty asked. Then wincing as she realized how she sounded, the teen reiterated, “I just wanna know so I’m not worrying.”

Kitty’s pouting is what finally broke Cathy into telling the truth. “I was searching for Mary.” At Kit’s frown, she elaborated, “My daughter Mary.” The younger queen nodded and encouraged Cathy to keep talking. “History doesn’t know anything about her. As soon as I died, she disappeared. And I wish there was anything I could find about her. Good or bad, at this point, I don’t care. Anything is better than not knowing.” Tears started to pool in her eyes, but suddenly Cathy couldn’t stop herself from letting everything out. “All I ever find is about Thomas. The man I thought was good and loving. History only talks about all the terrible things he did, to Elizabeth, to Edward. I don’t want to believe any of it, but deep down I do, I know it’s true. And yet I still love him. What kind of person am I to still love a monster?”

“For the longest time I thought I was in love with Dereham,” Kitty spoke up.

“But he-”

“Yeah, he did.” Kitty’s eyes were once again in her lap. “He was so kind to me, I thought it was love. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that even if I had feelings for him, that didn’t mean it was my fault. Most of what I remember of Francis wasn’t horrible. There,” she shivered, “there were horrible moments, yes, but I still thought it was love.” She brought her eyes up to look at Cathy. “Loving Thomas isn’t your fault. Maybe it’ll take some time to see the Thomas you remember with the Thomas he was, but one day you’ll realize that you don’t need him in your life. To - uh - to paraphrase a line, ‘You don’t need his love.’”

Cathy let the words sink in before she pulled Kitty closer to her in a tight embrace. “Thank you, Kit,” she whispered. “That means a lot.”

Giggling, the younger queen shrugged against Cathy. “If I’ve learned anything about the 21st century, it’s that you gotta live in the present. So let’s watch a movie or something Cathy!”

Lifting up the teen as she stood up, Kitty squealed in delight as Cathy carried her to the door. Cathy was probably the weakest of the queens, but she did her best to entertain the youngest by carrying her down to the living room. So what if her muscles ached, it was worth it to see Kitty laughing with joy. “What do you want to watch?” Cathy asked as she scrolled through all the movies they had.

“Frozen,” Kitty said determinedly while staring at Cathy.

Chuckling, she asked, “Why that one?”

“Because Anna and Elsa don’t need any man, they just need each other.” Cathy felt herself melt a little when Kit spoke so passionately. The two queens shared a grin and sat together on the couch and let the movie play. They sang along to the songs they knew, shushing each other when they got too loud. Although they had already seen Frozen multiple times, this time the movie seemed far better than either of them remembered.

When morning rolled around and Jane came downstairs to make breakfast, she was surprised to see the last two queens snuggled together on the couch. They were both sound asleep under Kit’s pink blanket, arms around each other with smiles on their faces. Without saying a word, Jane grabbed a second blanket and laid it on top of them before resuming her morning duties.

Needless to say, Cathy Parr’s insomnia didn’t seem like such a burden anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr, @musical-stan-first-human-later for my full masterpost of fics.


End file.
